


Silent Confessions

by RavenAurelieChoiseau



Category: Sterek - Fandom, Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Anal, Anal Sex, Angst and Romance, Apologies, Barebacking, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Breeding, Conversations, Crying, Declarations Of Love, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eternal Sterek, Falling In Love, Finger Sucking, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Forgive Me, Forgiveness, Heartache, Kissing, Licking, Love, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Nipple Licking, Not Actually Unrequited Love, One Shot, One True Pairing, Oral Sex, Pining, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Regret, Sad and Happy, Silence, Silence Kink, Skin, Smut, True Love, Uncircumcised Penis, Uncut Derek Hale, reunited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:14:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29679645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenAurelieChoiseau/pseuds/RavenAurelieChoiseau
Summary: "...Maybe it’s best I can’t have you. If I did, Derek, I just might never let you go."_Stiles wrote Derek a love letter once, which he never gave him. Derek had announced he was leaving Beacon Hills, so what would have been the point?Derek indeed left and Stiles remained... struggling to mend his broken heart. When Derek returns three years later, he accidentally comes upon the letter, realizing his departure left a disaster in its wake.Conscience weighing heavy, Derek tries to get Stiles to forgive him with an important confession of his own.
Relationships: Derek Hale & Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 37
Kudos: 185





	Silent Confessions

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The things I want to say...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18077105) by [RavenAurelieChoiseau](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenAurelieChoiseau/pseuds/RavenAurelieChoiseau). 



> This is somewhat autobiographical in inspiration. It's more about resolution and forgiveness (to me) but hey the sex is what seals the deal at the end so why not? Enjoy :)

Loving him was like lighting candles in the rain. It was tear-stained pillows and nights of staring up at the ceiling, the back of Stiles’ hand testing his own temperature. Too bad the only fever Stiles ever suffered from was his attraction to Derek Hale.  
The day Derek left… Christ. He’d ended up in a ball on the floor, knees locked to his chest and body heaving in grief so hard he'd nearly passed out.   
  
Three years. It’d been three years of silence. And now for fuck’s sake! here Derek stood.  
That voice. It couldn’t be. Stiles stared at him, mouth slack, and yet even with the evidence dangling before him he still couldn’t believe it.  
His mind was playing tricks on him, Stiles told himself. There was no way he'd returned _for me._  
And yet here was.

Shifting his body, Derek swayed a few steps from him. Pale cheeks leached further from color as the heat in his body dropped to his quivering legs. He was crumpling under Stiles' scrutiny.   
Stiles.   
He was even more beautiful than Derek remembered and he suddenly wondered if this was a bad idea. Or perhaps ghosting Stiles for years had been an even worse choice?! They wouldn't have found themselves in this position had Derek not panicked.   
  
“Derek?”  
It came out even softer than Stiles meant it to. For a moment he forgot HE was the one who was supposed to be pissed. Heartbroken. Fucking devastated.  
The sight of the love of his life, however, standing there with his arms limp at his sides and a piece of paper fisted into one hand… he shouldn’t have fallen for it. And yet the look of utter contrition on the man filled his heart with love in a blink.  
Derek’s red-rimmed, watery eyes widened. He did nothing to hide his expression spelling agony.  
“Stiles, I…” the thickness in his throat was like swallowing back gravel. Derek wiped away tears with the sleeve of his jacket. He sniffled.  
Stiles straightened himself to look taller and squared his shoulders- but inside he had already decided the fate of all this. It would just depend on what came out of Derek's mouth.   
  
“Why are you here Derek?” Derek’s breath hitched at hearing his name drop from Stiles’ lips. He winced and the fist nestling the paper found itself pressed up against his lips.

“I found this-“ one motion to put on display his shame. Trying to stop the whimper was futile and the desperate gasp from Stiles that followed clipped the terse silence.  
It was always about the silence, wasn’t it?! That had been their demise.  
  
“I found the letter, Stiles. It was among Scott’s things, he’s been staying at the loft since I left. I wasn’t snooping, I was looking for-“  
Stiles’ eyebrows tied together. Confusion molded into horror and it took over his face. At the same time hope slowly crept back into his heart…he could just make out the warmth as it thawed from years of self-preservation. Derek had read the letter and its contents hadn't scared him off. Perhaps...  
  
“Did you read it?”  
Derek inched forward. Two emerald pools cut through Stiles’ hard exterior, he could perceive himself melting under Derek’s pleading stare.   
  
“It was addressed to me.”  
True enough, Stiles thought.  
His breath caught in his lungs. “I guessed it was a note from Scott or something despite being in his drawer. Then I recognized your handwriting.”   
  
Stiles’ jaw dropped along with his blood pressure. A dim flush heated his body. There was that fever again.  
“And?”  
The next lull, Derek admiring his shoes while sighing, fist opening and closing over the letter...   
  
"Derek?" Stiles' heart sank, tears rising unbidden behind his lids. His palms sweaty and jittery rubbed against his jeans.  
"Stiles..."  
Derek dared another stride and when he was almost at arm’s length it just started pouring out.  
“I should have understood. I actually knew, subconsciously. But I was afraid. You gave me your heart, Stiles, without even needing to write me such a beautiful letter… I knew. And I took off all the same and not a day passed I didn’t think about you -“

Quirking his head, a moment of resistance overcame Stiles. “Yet you never called. You never wrote. I had to find out where you were from Peter.”

The crack in his voice underlined what the rounding slump to Stiles' posture was already screaming. “You have no idea what I went through.”

He was right, Derek admitted to himself. There was no excuse. Curling his arms over his head, Derek blinked through a pained stare.   
“I am _so sorry,_ Stiles _._ I’ve thought about it since yesterday, when I held the confirmation of what I had suspected.. how much of an asshole I’d been. A cowardly piece of shit. This was torture for you, I made you suffer and I can’t forgive myself for that. But can _you_ ever forgive me? Can you let me make it up to you? I swear, Stiles, I won't ever-"   
  
Trepidation didn't give him the most secure air. Stiles studied him in disbelief, wiping errant tears from his throbbing eyes. His lush lashes dropped, hiding the hurt. Derek’s throat was sand and his pulse a war drum between his ears.  
“Der… “  
Derek took it as an invitation. An opening. Came to within a hair’s breadth. Perhaps there was hope after all.   
  
A tear rode the length of Stiles’ nose and landed squarely into the corner of his wine-colored mouth. A hand stole up to rub his upper arm.   
“I… I thought you knew and just didn't care. I should have given you the letter to be sure. I was a coward, too, for thinking I wasn't enough for you to stay. It would have killed me had you read it and left anyway. So there's not much to forgive, Derek. How I reacted is on me, not you. At the end I chose to be miserable. I didn't put you in a position to have the knowledge with which to make a decision."  
  
It would take work but Derek prayed he could have another chance. The anticipation shone on his expression.   
"I knew, Stiles. I was just scared. Terrified, really. I’d never felt such things for anyone. Anyone. So I ran. Or rather, it gave me another reason to. _Can you forgive me?"  
  
_Derek reached for him then, two quivering fingers grazing the top of Stiles’ hand. Stiles’ breath escaped soft and moist, a sinless sound- a thing almost as pure as Derek’s confession. His heart-strings weren’t pulled, fuck, they snapped altogether.  
“Kiss me,” Stiles whispered. “Just come here and kiss me like you should have long ago.”  
  
And Derek did, without hesitation. They crashed into each other like two satellites whose orbits collided.  
  
The letter dropped to the floor, floating down in a slow dance only to silently land on the tile.  
Silence. It had always been their curse, and now it just might have turned out to be their blessing.  
_  
  
The letter. Stiles hadn’t forgotten about its existence… far from it. He read it more often than he’d ever admit. He’d just removed from conscious thought that finally, to keep from torturing himself, he’d given the only copy to Scott a few months previous.  
  
_Dearest Derek,  
I find myself missing you. Thinking about you. More than I dare. More than I should.  
I still don’t know what you smell like. I don’t allow myself to get that close… but I want to.  
I want to so desperately. I want to find that spot behind your ear you’re always touching… press my nose into the soft skin.  
Inhale you._

_If I had you like that, at my mercy…. I’d slip my hand beneath your sweater. Walk my fingers up the concave hollow of your spine and gently let my warm mouth wander up the cord of your neck.  
Slow.  
Deliberate.  
I’d move higher and higher until I perceived your heart lurching in your chest.   
I’d make you beg for my lips. Or perhaps it’d be me begging for yours?  
Kiss me. Please, just kiss me._

_Jesus Christ. I’m gone for you.  
It happened so quickly. So unexpectedly. I try to pinpoint the exact moment one glance from you first caused my cheeks to flush. Maybe it was when I saw you in the woods.  
I don’t remember. And even if I did, it wouldn’t matter._

_I’m gone for you._

_Maybe it’s the way you never look me in the eye for more than a second (unless you’re pissed at me).  
Maybe it’s the heat from your hand burning into my skin when you accidentally graze the fleshy part of my palm.  
Maybe it’s the fact you seem to ignore me, although I know you’re feigning disinterest.  
Maybe it’s because I can’t have you that I want you so._

_I wonder. When the sun sets and darkness crawls in and my mind whirls... I wonder what opened your heart just enough for me to slip in.  
I think I’m falling for you.  
The words are hard to utter. We dance around them with careful steps, like ballerinas trying not to trip.  
I think about you when you’re not near.  
Don’t hate me for feeling this way. I can’t help it._

_You’re France. That’s it. That’s perfect.  
You’re Paris on a rainy autumn day.  
Quiet.  
Mysterious.  
Romantic.  
Intense.  
Your eyes are leaves that are just turning. Olive green with amber speckles.  
Eyes that beckon you to take a second look. Explore further. Shy away only to steal another moment._

_Something tells me this color shouldn’t exist in nature, and yet it does.  
  
You’re France.  
You’re as moody as the moon that guides your kind.  
Your dark brow furrows when you inhale, all the words you hold in billowing into a soft cloud in front of your face.  
You remind me of actors in black and white films.  
You smile so rarely and it’s usually when you shouldn’t and it’s so disarmingly endearing that sometimes I forget to breathe._

_I wonder… I wonder if all the times we’re alone you think about it, too?  
The prohibition of a touch. What that would mean. _

_I still don’t know what you smell like. I don’t allow myself to get that close.  
But I want to.  
I want to grip your waist like I’m stopping you from falling. Kiss the pulsing hollow at the base of your throat and make your blood rush with unbidden memories.  
I want to claim the fullness of your upper lip.  
I want to melt into you with a dreamy intimacy and savage hunger._

_Maybe it’s best I can’t have you. If I did, Derek, I just might never let you go.  
Yours forever,   
Stiles_

_

  
Derek walked him lip-locked against the wall until they reached Stiles’ bedroom. Stiles’ needy limbs clung to him, desperate. Arms encircling his neck, Derek drew Stiles towards him for another kiss. And another. And then another.  
Stiles’ heart beat faster. Harder. Louder. Derek’s skin tingled, neurons firing all at once, making his mind fizzle.  
“I’m sorry, Stiles,” Derek breathed against his ear. That’s all he kept repeating.  
“I’m sorry” and then his softly bearded chin grazed Stiles’.  
“I’m sorry” as he cupped his smooth mole-speckled cheeks and begged for more, his tongue moving over Stiles’ with rough thrusts.  
  
He stopped apologizing eventually. His pleas for forgiveness became a litany of Stiles’ name instead.  
“Stiles… _please_ … Stiles…”

Stiles grunted, lamenting the immediate lack of touch when they undressed in haste. Stiles was enticed by every twitch of Derek’s muscles as his clothing rained to the floor.  
His muscular frame stopped the trail of the last moments of light that the dusk was offering them. The shade kissed him in all the right places, his flesh tensing and relaxing to a time only their desire dictated.  
Stiles studied him, yearning for his addictive attentions, and Derek understood and obeyed.  
Their own language made once more of silence, but this time it wasn’t hurtful or misguided.  
_This time their silence was all worship.  
  
_Stiles poorly masked a gasp. Derek had a magnificent body, a wide hairy chest, firm stomach. The trail of black curls running under his belly button led Stiles’ eyes to focus where they backdropped his sex.  
Returning to him, a hold on his slim hips, Derek slid one hand down Stiles’ torso to the pulsing swell. Lightly arching up into the touch, his flesh seared under Derek’s kisses as he drew a pattern there with his thirsty lips.  
Stiles exhaled with a tremolo to his limbs and a flutter to his long, wet lashes.

 _“Der.”  
_Derek’s skilled hands drew circles and caresses all over him, arousing him to the point of torture. His muscular shoulders stretched with every movement - a blistering tongue mapping a circle into the smooth, briny skin below his navel.  
Going lower. And lower.

Stiles sucked up his plump bottom lip, suppressing a lament. Derek’s roving mouth found his right nipple, sucking into the nub. He didn’t save any softness for him in this foreplay, and as much as Stiles didn’t like to admit it, he loved this. Wanted more, more than probably Derek could give right now. _  
_ Derek checked on Stiles’ flustered, almost desperate face, and when satisfied he could, he continued.  
_  
He knows we can do this without talking. He likes the silence as much as me,_ Stiles mused. _  
  
_Stiles closed his lids tight. Derek fisted Stiles' thick cock and started stroking it with calculated pressure. His right hand jerked him as the left softly caressed his inner thigh and balls. The sensuous touch of his fingers sent pleasure ricocheting through his lover.  
Stiles was so fucking beautiful when he wanted to come.  
  
The first wave of heat surged through Derek’s body. Goddamn him… goddamn the things Stiles did to him without even having grazed him! Why had he waited all these years?! _  
  
_Stiles shivered, flustered by excitement. Bunching both hands into the bedding below, he rested his head on the pillow, his auburn hair cascading on it like a halo.   
  
His eyes fluttered as he fell. Stiles deflated his lungs into a deep groan. Fuck it if the neighbors heard.  
Next came a whimper, loud, at the same moment Derek’s fiery mouth swallowed the shaft of his cock, engulfing it like an absolute degenerate.

_He’s not going to stop. I don’t want him to stop._

Stiles opened one eye when the cold air hit his crown. 

Derek was grinning, staring at him with a libidinous twinkle to his gaze. Thoroughly enjoying himself. He was standing at the end of the bed, eyes locked. His enormous cock had popped to life, rising between his massive thighs. Magnificent, showing twitching veins.  
Derek made a gesture with his tongue, clicking it, as if he was trying to get his dry mouth a little wetter. As he climbed onto the mattress, it dipping under both their weights, the unspoken message clear.  
_I know what you’re thinking. And I also know that you want this as much as me. I’ve thought of this for three years... what it would feel like. I know that you’ll scream my name once I’m inside you. I’ll never disappoint you again, Stiles._

Derek never uttered words during the entire time he was mercilessly taking him. They spoke only in the creak of the springs below, in their panting and gasping… in the low grumbles of the grunts and moans escaping them.  
  
His splayed hands glided over Stiles’ haunches, one kneading into the wet, taut muscle, the other landing firmly on his ass cheek, penetrating him with passionate desperation. Their lovemaking was slippery and dripping, clinging, chasing something neither wanted to catch. Their bodies held fast, soggy with need.

It wasn’t aggressive, this sex. But it was also not sweet, nor soft. Something fueled by lust but with a contained almost masochistic edge to the movements.  
This was years in the making and it showed.

 _Fuck, how hard he makes me!_ Stiles couldn’t stop thinking of how Derek’s chest and thighs were going to be stained with his cum. How Derek, in kind, would fill him up with his spend. 

Derek bucked up into him, twisting his hip, craving more depth. One of his hands, damp with perspiration, caressed Stiles’ scalp, looping two fingers into his silky hair. Jesus, he needed him… wanted him! Wanted to get inside him in every sense. _Into his cells._  
  
Stiles nodded against him, sucking on Derek’s thumb, licking, inhaling two more fingers like they were candies. He used them like he would later use Derek’s cock. Rolling his tongue over them, hollowing out his cheeks, letting the saliva coat his chin wonderfully _and obscenely._   
  
It was hard for Derek not to want to fuck his mouth, too. But he had one cock and right then the delicious sensation of being tunneled within Stiles was all he could focus on. Picking up on the yearning, Stiles sank down further until he more than hilted. Derek’s hands responding in kind, they spread his cheeks to accommodate his girth.

A large bead of sweat rolled down the middle of Stiles’ back. The thrusts came in time to his strokes, cleaving together in an almost sinful rhythm. Pulling the foreskin back, he spread the oozing pre-come over the head, pressing into the slit with a hiss.   
Breathing intensifying, laboured and loud... hot air blew through their noses as their mouths devoured each other.  
  
Still not a word uttered, their bodies spoke for them. Stiles seeking relief for his fevered, needy cock and Derek fucking him blind, the urgency, the starvation of the years unrequited his guide through these dark lands.  
Their connection was visceral. Real. Earth-shattering.  
Neither announced their imminent release. Stiles finally shattered the silence by screaming Derek’s name, just like Derek said he would.  
His orgasm fountained all over their slick chests, dripping onto their laps… and Derek bit gently into the place where Stiles' shoulder met his neck.  
He was close.  
  
Glazed in grief, sweat and cum, Derek pursued it - hunted it- almost to outrun all the pain he’d caused Stiles. Not that he ever could, but something had to give.  
Every thrust of his cock inside Stiles was akin to prayer, taking them both higher and higher towards something beyond the divine. When Derek finally collapsed onto Stiles’ heaving chest, spent, he trembled like a branch bracing winter winds.  
  
Stiles held him. Held him so close the softness of his inky hair against his mouth solicited a dozen kisses on the top of his head. He vowed he’d never let him go again.   
  
Derek stared into nothing. Thoughts zig zagged in his mind like fireflies. Everything had escalated so quickly once he’d opened his heart to him… but this- it was so apparent!   
Stiles was all he needed. All he ever desired.   
Derek inhaled deeply. He let it spill before he could talk himself out of it.  
  
“I love you.” He placed his flattened palm on Stiles’ chest, over the suddenly skipping heartbeat. "I love you, Stiles."   
  
“Der… “   
It was almost a groan. So much was left unsaid in that inhaled pause. Sweet words stuck like cotton candy on Stiles' lips.  
Derek blinked… and Stiles died a little. _Those goddamn eyes. Sometimes warm like jade stones fallen into a brook, glimmering. Other times as cold and biting as winter frost on moss._  
  
“Stiles…”  
Stiles called to him through gesture. He raised his head, mouth covering Derek’s hungrily. His tongue slipped between his plush lips, trying to feed him the sentiment he longed for him to hear. What he’d said in the letter and so much more he could finally say now in person.   
When they broke after an achingly sweet exploration, Stiles revealed his truth.  
  
“I love you, too, Der.” It was barely a whisper. "You can't imagine how much."   
  
Derek felt it. He did. Words weren't really necessary.   
  
He knew. He knew by the way Stiles nestled into the crook of his neck as he crushed his body into his once again. He knew listening to the thunder in his lover’s chest… the frantic pulse was for him.  
For Derek Hale.  
Derek had a sneaking suspicion it had always beat just for him.   
In turn he had never doubted his heart belonged to Stiles.   
That was the dual-edged sword that was silence- it could destroy as powerfully as it could transform. What sat between them now in quiet awe had translated pain into something so special it deserved its own language.   
  


**Author's Note:**

> The letter wherein is my original work adapted to the story- it's something I wrote for someone and never gave it to them because the love was doomed to never blossom past the deep friendship we shared- wrong place and time. :( Two ships passing in the night and all that. He was moving as well.  
> Although the person in question and I never got our "happily ever after" he did come to me in three dreams beginning on the night of my bday and expressed what I truly think he is feeling and thinking about it all now. Perhaps our higher selves were finally given a chance to live out some of this, even if only in dream.  
> Despite these years that passed after his disappearance and all the heartache I went through, the silence... I forgive him for taking off because I know we both felt it. That this love was grander than the both of us...something special but also scary. It wasn't our time then. In the future? Who knows.  
> So this was the inspiration behind the story - and I needed to exorcise this whole emotional mess I've been somehow. The person in question- he reminds me so much of Derek both in character and physical traits that the only pairing I could write for this was Sterek.  
> Been feeling a little "stuck" and have been sitting on several updates in Teen Wolf and Teen Wolf/V Diaries. I will get to them, they're written but just need editing.  
> Like spring that is peeking in here where I live so I am awakening from the deep slumber that killed some of my inspiration these past months. Thanks for being so patient and kind. 
> 
> "It's like lighting candles in the rain" is from the song: Life Makes No Sense-The Ataris


End file.
